Other sections of this newspaper will certainly have the results and detailed breakdowns of the numbers, but Pol Position is neither thorough nor thoughtful, and as our more studious colleagues plant themselves in the penthouse of the luxurious Ledger/Star building and work on the election piece into the wee hours of the morning or until the printer calls, screaming for their heads, Pol Position will be at home, sipping on Mai Tai’s with some friends we met while we lurking around the polling booths earlier this morning.
Sure, we may not know the results of the election, but we can certainly guess what the results might be. At the end of the day, one of our Prestigious Presidential Candidates will be gnawing on Number 2 Pencils as they struggle to deal with the realization that yes, they will be leading the free world for the foreseeable future, and, as free as it is, the next four years aren’t going to be any kind of picnic. (Except for the kind of picnic where fire ants crawl up your short-pants.)
We know that at the end of the day, a few members of City Council who had their State Legislative ambitions dashed will be thanking their lucky stars that our New York City Mayor/Capital “G” Grinch Mayor Bloomberg extended term limits, allowing them to continue serving the public in the manner in which the aliens “Served Man.”
And we know that at the end of the day, Brooklyn Borough President, a popular topic recently here at Pol Position, will still grace bus-side ads encouraging wives to take their husbands to the doctor. (Stay tuned for more on that development, Pol Position readers!)
So, seeing as we don’t know how this election is going to turn out, we thought we might take a look at how it actually happened. The actual, physical, lever-pulling act of voting. (At least we hope it’s still done by pulling levers. We haven’t voted since the time we accidentally became nationalized Moroccan citizens on Christmas, 1997.)
As we mentioned earlier, we were indeed lurking around the city’s polling places, as we wanted to capitalize on some of the euphoria that people were getting for voting for a certain young and handsome Democratic presidential candidate. Despite the impossibly long lines, curt polling volunteers (they’re not getting paid to be there, after all) and the unfriendly police presence, it’s a wonder that New Yorkers pop out of those little voting tombs feeling so ecstatic. Maybe if people could vote everyday, they’d feel better about themselves.
To accomplish this goal of getting miserable New Yorkers out of their cranky-pants and into a slim-fitting, comfy pair of dancing shoes, Pol Position is pleased to announce our new initiative, Poll Position. We’ll be taking polls and asking for your vote on a variety of subjects every single day. For example, do you prefer butter or margarine? Hamburgers or hot dogs? Shampoo and conditioner or two-in-one? It’s that simple!
If we could be somewhat serious and extraordinarily self-promotional, the new Ledger/Star website has a number of more relevant polls following the news stories posted there. These stories involve things that are actually relevant to your lives! So check out the site, click on the polls and make yourself feel better today!