April Fool's Day in our inbox
Apr 03, 2012 | 13782 views | 0 0 comments | 78 78 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Oh goslings, there was a time when we here at Pol Position were all about the April Fool’s Day pranks, printing ridiculous statements shrouded as fact in an attempt to trick our readers into believing, if only for a second, the utterly absurd.

But no longer.

Maybe it’s been the mild winter that has failed to spark the mischievous joy in us that usually accompanies the onset of warmer weather and longer days, but we just don’t have it in us.

Oh hell, just for old time’s sake, here’s a fake article we might have come up with:

Marshall Emulates Young George Washington, Chops Down Cherry Trees

(Kew Gardens) When will our elected officials learn?

Channeling one of her political inspirations, Marshall chopped down several cherry trees behind Queens Borough Hall…and also refuses to lie about it!

But instead of an axe, Marshall had chiseled Union workmen wielding chainsaws and heavy machinery do the job, one-upping her 18th Century idol, who managed to fell just one tree by himself, by cutting down several cherry tree. We’ve come a long way, baby!

Reached for comment, Marshall said…

Oh, who are we kidding, we're just not up for it. Thankfully, we have other people to do it for us!

We actually received a few April Fool’s press releases (you do love us!), and thought we would just share those with you.

The first was from Councilman Jumaane Williams of Brooklyn, who tried to trick people into believing that he was signed to a 10-day contract by the New York Knicks to replace the injured Jeremy Lin.

Nice try, councilman! You do realize that once we posted that on Tweeter, tumblr-ed it out, and renewed our status on Facebook, one of our 16 1/2 (Please don’t ask about the 1/2.) followers was going to let us know that claim was just simply not true. Thought you could fool us, eh?

Another April Fool's Day press release we received, however, had much more devious political intentions.

It came from the New Kings Democrats with the title “Brooklyn Democratic Boss Vito Lopez Announces Bold Plans to Move to Brooklyn” and plays on long-standing rumors that Lopez actually lives with his girlfriend in Queens.

Here's a fake quote from the release:

"I like representing Bushwick so much that I thought I'd try living there for a change," said Lopez, who signed a notarized mortgage application way back in 1997, affirming that he actually lived in Queens with his girlfriend, Angela Battaglia. Lopez added, "Besides, I hear there are some pretty cool things happening in Brooklyn these days."

We got to hand it to the New Kings Democrats, that's pretty funny stuff, although we doubt that Lopez is laughing. Then again, if the accusations are all true, Lopez has been getting away with living in Queens for well over a decade now, so we doubt he's too, too worried about a fake press release.

Well, we hope you had a great April Fool's Day and played some great pranks of your own, but like we said, that feeble attempt at spoofing on Helen Marshall aside, we're not getting too caught up in the fun this year. Really, who would believe for a second that a bunch of cherry trees at Queens Borough Hall were cut down?

Wait, Helen Marshall did what?!

Comments-icon Post a Comment
No Comments Yet