Pol Position can say in no uncertain terms that this election year has been the craziest that we have ever covered. From the moment term limits were overturned to everybody and their neighbor running for the open City Council seats to that jerk Kanye West grabbing the microphone from sweet lil' Taylor Swift to make his case for Beyonce winning Best Female Video of the Year, we just about seen it all.
And now we are forced to bid adieu, and wait another four years until we can give our skewered take on city politics. We're flat-out exhausted.
Which is why we can't tell you who won anything. In typical Pol Position fashion, we filed our column early and then left the office. We'll let the editorial side of the office - and by “side” we mean the folks who don't work in the dank basement and actually see sunlight during the day – handle the annoying task of staying late and tallying the election results. No, we'll be watching the returns in our robe and slippers with a hot Night Train Express toddy by our side.
By the time you read this, you'll already know who your next mayor, comptroller, City Council person, and VMA award winner is, so we thought we'd focus on what we like best about elections – the unbridled nastiness.
After the primaries, the political scene in Brooklyn became downright passive, with the Democrats facing few challengers (heck, a Brooklyn resident on the Pol Position staff couldn't even find Green Party candidate David Pechafsky's name on the ballot in the Park Slope City Council race), but there were still several compelling races in Queens.
And none has been nastier than the race to replace Tony Avella between Dan Halloran and Kevin Kim. Pagan gods, neo-Nazis, racism, campaign poster destruction, animal sacrifice – and that was just our inbox last week!
In case you are just joining us, the race in the 19th District of Northeast Queens is between Kim – a political opportunist who is in the back pocket of developers and runs a dirty campaign that relies on misinformation and destroying his opponents campaign posters – and Halloran – a Pagan worshipper who practices animal sacrifice and is apparently anti-Semitic, and also has a loyal following (no, really, they had to take an oath) and even “thralls” - which literally translates to “slaves” - who are neophytes in his religion.
Honestly, we don't know what or who to believe anymore!
Oh yeah, we almost forgot: Kim is also a Democrat and Halloran is a Republican. Exactly where they stand on the issues we aren't entirely sure, but who really cares, right?
By the time this goes to print, the voters in the 19th District will have already made up their minds who they want representing them in the City Council. Thinking strictly of our own amusement here, we kind of hope they choose the animal-sacrificing Pagan worshipper – it should make for some interesting votes, and if there is ever a slow week for Pol Position, we can always fall back on the old “hey, did you know there is Pagan worshipper in the City Council? Crazy, huh?”
(Unfortunately, Pol Position was forbidden from making political endorsements when our strong case for Beyonce was returned, we believe unread, so our choice of Halloran in no way represents the opinion of the people with, ugh, strict journalistic ethics who fill the other 47 pages of this rag.)
So by the time you are reading this, there could be a City Council member in New York City with strong ties to developers (as if there aren't enough of those, already), or a Pagan worshipper with slaves...um, excuse us, we mean a hard-working staff.
What's next, a Green Party member?!